Closure

In many broken relationships, one party is left longing for resolution. Whether it’s the breakup of a dating relationship, the death of a friend or family member, or the loss of a job, someone is almost always left with unresolved issues.

In some relationships, there is an opportunity for the parties to reconcile and resolve latent issues, even if the relationship never returns to its former status. In others, the separation is so complete that discussion or resolution no longer becomes possible.

One of the clients I counseled during my internship at ACU’s counseling center had lost his father several years before. Two or three years later, this student would still break down into tears in class and other situations because of grief at the loss. There is a somewhat standard repertoire of techniques that counselors use in these situations, and this student eventually found the resolution that he needed. Most people naturally resolve these kinds of things, but some don’t. For some it takes longer than usual, and for some it takes professional help.

For a little over a year now, I have struggled to resolve issues surrounding a broken relationship. I loved her, flaws and all, but she chose to leave me for another man, with no other explanation but “you just weren’t good enough for me.” At times I reflected quietly and made so-called progress. At times I ranted and raved, striking out at those flaws in her that I used to have patience for. At times I resorted to passive-aggressive sniping from afar, making sideways references and taking indirect shots. At times I sought the advice of wise men and professionals. Even with all my efforts, she never granted me an opportunity to discuss these issues and work toward resolution. She made up her mind, and is content to let my questions go unanswered.

Last week I received a letter from her that basically told me, “It’s been a year. Quit talking about me. Get over it.”

I think I will. I will probably never get from her the resolution that I have so earnestly sought, but I have to learn to live with it.

And so, I quit. In the next few weeks, all religious discussion will be moved to another site. This site will stay up, but become one of those “today I went to the store” blogs with fishing reports, pictures of the kids, and so forth. I’ll tell you more about that as the time draws near.

One Year

This blog turned one year old yesterday.

Somebody has come and looked at it about 7200 times. Over the year, it had an average of 19.91 hits per day. The most hits I had in a week was 338, the time I challenged a particular church's view of membership and also the week I symbol-bleeped a cuss word.

This blog began in difficult times, and has seen its ups and downs. It has been the spark for some good discussion and for some very very bad discussion. It has been a reflection of my life, good, bad, and ugly, and all three have had their moment in the spotlight. It has been useful to my friends and to those who may not be so friendly. My words have touched people, caused them to think , and pissed them off, sometimes all at the same time.

I am considering some major changes to this blog. Some have wished that it would go away altogether. Some have wished that I'd change the subject away from church, or from a specific church. Some people like it the way it is. We'll see whose viewpoint wins in my mind over the next few days and weeks, but I already have an idea in mind. I'll let you know.

And an update on my last post...
I finished all of my papers, although the 5 page outline took me till 1 a.m. on Thursday morning. They all turned out better than I thought they might, particularly the late night outline. I suppose we'll see in a few more weeks when grades come in how well it really went.

I've got another post in my head, but I'm going to save it for later.

A Marathon

Sixteen pages for Hamilton's short course: twelve hours, Friday.
Two 1000 word book reviews: four hours, plus reading, mostly done before the marathon.
Five pages on the Roman Denarius: four hours, plus library time, last week.
Twenty one pages on Hebrews: nineteen hours, Sunday and Monday.
A five page outline on worship and sacrifice in Israel: two hours Monday night, probably ten more to go over the next two nights.

I had to send my family to my parents.

I had to eat, sleep, and breathe writing for the last four days.

Welcome to graduate school.

What I'm Not Saying

I'm not saying I have it all figured out.
I'm not saying I behaved perfectly.
I'm not saying I never said anything wrong.
I'm not saying anyone's not a Christian.
I'm not saying names.
I'm not talking about the past, but the present.

I am saying that truth matters.
I am saying that trouble can be prevented.
I am saying that I care about other ministers.
I am saying that I care about specific congregations and specific people in them.

I don't believe that what I have said will do any good.
I don't believe that I can change the minds of people who don't want to change.
I don't believe that those involved are being intentionally deceptive.
I don't believe that those involved are evil, only mistaken.

I know that I still feel pain most days.
I know that I feel wronged, even if I wasn't.
I know that the scars and wounds may be more than my ministry career can bear.
I know that I will never quit ministering, even if I never get on another church's payroll.

I know that God is faithful.
I know that God is just.
I know that those last two statements trump all of the rest.
Jason

Revelation 21:8

Did any of you ever sing the little Revelation 21:8 song as kids? Some of you will know what I'm talking about and laugh.

Apparently the "official" story that new candidates for my old job are getting is that I left to go back to school, as if it were my idea and everything was peachy up until that point.

I hope that whoever takes that job goes in with eyes wide open and knows exactly what's going on. I suspect that such an awareness is structurally impossible, so that no outsider can know what's going on, because no insider has enough awareness to explain. I also suspect that no minister who is aware of the issues will take the job.

What does that leave? Another setup. Some young guy is going to come in, work his butt off, make certain people mad, and end up back at school or selling insurance, and it will probably have very little to do with the quality of his ministry or his impact on the teens and their families.

Even something so simple as "we had our difficulties, and when an opportunity came for Jason to go back to school, we encouraged him to take it" would be better than the lie. Even "We didn't agree with Jason on some issues that were important to us, so we asked him to resign," tough as that is to say would be getter than the lie.


I honestly don't know if any of the people involved even read this blog anymore, but if you do...
TELL THE TRUTH!

Big changes

I've come to some conclusions in light of the principles that I mentioned in my previous post.

I am not spending enough time with or doing a good job with or being responsible about my family.

Of the three major activities in my life (work, family, school), only one is really negotiable. You don't see church on my list, but I don't see my faith as a category separate from the other parts of my life.

The result of all of this is that I have a new direction. I have changed my degree plan from MDiv to Master of Arts in Christian Ministry, MACM. Instead of 30? more hours, I can graduate in 9. This means several things: I still get another master's, I don't have to take 10 hours per semester, I can focus on family and work, and I can finally serve at church in ways that I haven't had time for.

At the same time, I'm moving toward a management position at Academy, perhaps even going on salary as early as this summer.

The current plan is to ride the retail horse until Shana is able to return to teaching school so that I can work on the PhD. I should know within the next four or five years if retail is where I want to stay, and if I'll have my own store or just be somebody's assistant. I'm not so sure that I won't have more influence in the church as the manager of a retail store than as a staff member anyway. Don't see many deacons or elders who are also staff.

Terry argued that I didn't need to justify anything, but I'm so about being reasonable that I appreciate setting myself up as a person with reasons...

And on a lighter note, if you google "Jason Fry ministry," this site shows up as the first result. Maybe people in France really do read this...

Props to my friend Miller for this good post about staying in or leaving the institutional church, and what such a decision looks like in terms of day to day life.